Cracking our Inner Shells!

life-birth-and-rebirth

Sometimes we have to go within to the silent places we all have in order to find out what is really going on with our emotional bodies. Even knowing all the things I do, we are within our Human form to learn and grow..

I needed to ask myself a few questions as to why I was feeling so lost, depressed and sad… More was going on than just bereavement. Yes the fall  I had had,both bruised and shook me, but what else was shaking me to the core?

For those who know a little about my Soul Journey, You will also know that my own Mother and I had not spoken for 10 years prior to her passing some eleven years ago now….Despite many attempts I knew I was only wounding myself more by continually trying to bridge the rift, to be continually rejected.. So this rejection and other issues related to overwork and stress, resulted in a Nervous Breakdown in my mid forties..

So when my Mother died, while I was sad, I guess I never really grieved her loss. Because to me.. I had grieved her long  before her death as lost to me.. As I had had to shut down my emotions to cope with her rejection..  I had undergone counselling within my breakdown, and my Mother jumped up at every dark corner of why even in my teens I had suffered from deep depression.

We often  go through  whole chapters of our lives creating a protective shell around ourselves because we need it in order to heal from some early trauma. I know I had built many such Layers of shell around myself from various experiences over the years..

So my own fall, and the death of my aunt in affect broke the shell, leaving a wide crack as the emotions came flooding back up to the surface and out.   I took time out to meditate deeply and Looked  in on myself.. I can now see that the new part of ourselves cannot be born within the confines of the shell of our old selves..

Sometimes  part of us must die before another part can come to life. Even though this is a natural and necessary part of our growth, it is often painful  if we don’t realize what’s happening,  we become confused. This disorientation is  often part of the messengers that tell us a shift is taking place within us. These shifts happen throughout the lives of all humans, as we move and grow through adolescence into adulthood.

Each of us are shifting, changing daily. We can surrender to this process of letting go of our old self with great love and gratitude, and welcome in the new with an open mind and heart, ready for our next phase of life.

I also looked deeper still, at why I am getting so wound up with world affairs at the moment, Why was I being so affected? Am I not just as guilty of not letting it go..  Do I not just need the World to just be, as it shifts to find its own new identity as the old world dies, as the layers of our established reality now crack and shatter from our disillusioned view.

Is not the world we are each part of ready for the Next Great Shift as we enter the next phase of Life on Earth I asked myself?  Are we not ONE and the Same.. Each affecting the other?

And as I already knew the answer…. Many of us seek the answers to life’s questions by looking outside of ourselves and trying to glean advice from the people around us. Each of us is unique, with our own personal histories, our own sense of right and wrong, and our own way of experiencing the world that defines our realities. We all of us have than inner compass which we can go within to seek guidance. 

Only you can know the how’s and why’s of your life. The answers that you seek can be found when you start answering your own questions,Sometimes we have to get a little lost in order to fine oneself again..But the journey in finding oneself is all part of our Earth Journey.

Maybe the World too is going to get a little lost before it too can find itself again..

Lets hope it can also learn and grow! 

Many thanks for reading…

 

Love and Blessings

~Sue~

Image Source: Google Images..

 

 

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138 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Writing to Freedom
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 16:37:33

    Lots of courage and wisdom here Sue. It sounds as though you have found blessings within your pain and being cracked open. Maybe the earth is going through a similar process. And as you said, we must ask and find our own guidance. though pointers from wise friends help! Thanks! 🙂

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  2. Brenda Davis Harsham
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 16:49:30

    Sue, I’m sorry to hear you fell, and that your Aunt passed. My Aunt is very ill, and I worry about her every day. My mother I lost more than 40 years ago. Each time I grieve, all my old grief comes back. Each time, I feel a little more healing. Perhaps your mother has found her peace, and she is now watching over you as she could not do in life. I send you love and warmth, Brenda

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 21:59:31

      Thank you dear Brenda…Each time these emotions surface Brenda I make my peace all over again with my Mother.. I know we were both meant to go through our own particular learning through our experience of Mother and Daughter relationship… Being a medium, I send out my thoughts often into the spirit realm to my Mum.. She only appears to me in dreams.. Even in my dreams she never speaks… But I am sure we are both finding what we need to find as we both share our energy bodies within our thoughts to one another… My overwhelming thoughts are sad that so many years were waisted… She missed out on her growing Grandchildren.. But all is as it is meant to be.. and within all of our experiences are the lessons we each need to grow.. And I am grateful for the love she shared in ways she could..

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  3. Hariod Brawn
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 16:59:43

    Thank you for this offering Sue; it is encouraging to read that you are working through what has clearly been a challenging phase for you. I think you are most wise to write down your thoughts about the process as a whole, as this can so often help us to resolve any half-formed ideas and dimly gleaned intuitions. And as with Brad, I applaud your courage in approaching what must ultimately be approached, and also for sharing your journey here. With lots of love, gratitude and respect, Hariod. ❤

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 21:50:26

      Dear Hariod, yes working through challenges or we may look at them as opportunities.. At least I hope I can look at the many obstacles and lessons as opportunities to grow and overcome them.. Often they may not seem Blessings in disguise.. especially when we are going through them.. But I have found as I look back upon those times of my life when I hit rock bottom.. Were in fact setting me upon a road to finding myself..
      Many thanks dear Hariod for your continual support ..I do not feel courageous.. But I know sharing my thoughts as others have shared theirs have helped me upon my own journey.. None more so than the words of Louise Hay and Deepak Chopra Wayne Dyer, others whose writing helped bring me back up from my own dark pit many years ago.. Writing from our experience is what is teaching me my truest lessons.. ❤ ❤ ❤

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  4. Dalo 2013
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 17:07:33

    With such loss comes such courage and this is so evident in your words and your healing process…there is something magical that has happened and how you have dealt with it. Wish you well.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 21:11:22

      Dear Dalo.. I thank you for those kind words.. I am feeling much stronger in myself, and each day holds its magic… Its up to each of us to discover those magical moments within it.. .. Many thanks Dalo for your well wishes.. I so appreciate you taking time out to visit and comment.. Sue

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      • Dalo 2013
        Feb 13, 2015 @ 23:59:15

        I always think that the most difficult thing in life sometimes is knowing and admitting that “Its up to each of us to discover those magical moments within it” Take care Sue ~

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  5. David
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 17:23:14

    Dear Sue, from not speaking to my mother for just two years and then crying like a baby when she died in my arms back in 1986 you pressed all my same buttons. It seems that those of us like minded are going through great inner changes right now my friend and yes, the outer IS affecting the inner to some degree. My restart has come down to self forgiveness from way back in the remote past up to the present day. I feel for you Dear Sue and am with you all the way. Love, David

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 21:04:51

      Many thanks for sharing that David.. Yes our Outer and Inner worlds are going through many changes right now.. And Its also fascinating that even within the WP realm synchronicities are being revealed of similar shedding of emotional layers.. I thank you David for your love and support my friend.. Sue

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  6. suzicate
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 17:39:31

    My heart hurts for you and all you are going through. This portion of your post resonated deeply with me: Sometimes part of us must die before another part can come to life. Even though this is a natural and necessary part of our growth, it is often painful if we don’t realize what’s happening, we become confused.
    Grieving is painful and personal. I am from a family of six children, and I can tell you the deaths of my brother and father affected each of us very differently. The actions and reactions of each of us said a lot about our personalities and relationship with the one we lost.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 21:00:25

      I thank you for sharing that… Yes our relationships with those whom we love, our spouses,siblings parents, friends each have an affect within us.. Often we do not even realise we are still holding onto emotions we have not released until they come up to the surface again.. Sometimes quite unexpectedly… Many thanks for adding your own personal perspective.. I so appreciate that you shared.. Many thanks Suzi..

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  7. Paul Handover
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 18:15:14

    Sue, have just read your post, and all the responses above, and resisting the urge to reply straightaway. For I want to reflect on the traumas we humans experience that can be seen inside us and the traumas that are beneath our accessible consciousness. In my own case, a trauma of the latter variety influenced me for fifty-one years and only came to light by the efforts of a professional core process psychotherapist. Maybe I should write a post about my experiences over on Learning from Dogs?

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 14, 2015 @ 14:12:32

      So many of us Paul carry within us past traumas.. And even after several shedding of layers over this same issue, I had thought it had been dealt with.. Obviously the pain went deep and it shook me up more than I thought it could..
      I would be happy to read about your experience Paul..
      And Many thanks for adding your thoughts here, sorry I am only just getting to reply, I answered the comments via the new side notification bar. and your comment somehow got lost among them..
      Have a great Valentines Day both of you.. Enjoy.. And thank you again for your support
      Sue

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  8. Geneviève
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 18:40:21

    I totally believe that breakdown is breakthrough.
    But then, my brother used to say to me: “Genie, I don’t have nervous breakdowns, my nerves have broken down so often that I don’t have any nerves left.”!

    His words have helped me smile during many a troubled time.

    Wishing you a wonderful, blessed weekend, Angel.

    Love you,
    Genie

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 20:51:09

      Your brother sounds to be wise soul who has been through much in his life.. Learning to smile through ones troubles and see a positive out of a negative is a blessing… I thank you Genie for taking the time to visit.. I appreciate your presence.. Love and Blessings to you xxx Sue

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 26, 2015 @ 15:55:24

      I hope all is well with you Genie.. I can not get into your site anymore.. as its now private.. But I did put in a request.. sending lots of love.. Sue xxx

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      • Sue Dreamwalker
        Feb 27, 2015 @ 18:41:54

        I saw your post meow.. and thankyou…I can not begin to know how you feel… Because my world is not being destroyed as yours is daily.. Wish I could have commented… Just know Genie… I send my thoughts and Love.. and I am here…Always .. x Much love to you xx And Just to let you know I support many sites with far from chocolate box images as they show the world as it is.. ❤ ❤ xxx Love and Hugs xxx Sue

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  9. Ben Naga
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 18:57:56

    Much good sense and wisdom here, Sue.

    Please may I share somethink with you here which I shall be publishing/posting soon. Meanwhile …

    I OF THE STORM

    Never mind
    Who I was
    Ten years ago

    Never mind
    Who I will be
    Ten years from now

    After all
    Who I am right now
    I’m still working on that

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  10. LadyPinkRose
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 20:05:51

    (((HUGS))) Sue!!!! I understand the Journey you have embarked upon, and believe me, it has just begun. I am praying for you as of now. When my best friend/surrogate Mother passed in 2006, I broke, and I mean broke. All the shells I had created around me came crashing down, and all I knew was rage, boiling rage, which in turn, burned away deep within me all the horrendous nightmares I had been holding on to. You are a lot stronger then you know. Please do not “judge” anything as being right or wrong right now …. just allow to BE what IS. I promise you, you will discover how to put the pieces of you back together again, and more importantly what to fill the great Void with whatt is now present in your Life. That too, shall come to pass. Ground deep in Mother and embrace every emotion that comes pouring forth. I Love you. (((HUGS))) Amy

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 20:45:01

      Dearest Amy… thank you my dear sweet friend… It is not by chance you mentioned your best friend/surrogate Mother.. for my Aunt was in affect like a Mother… While not wanting to speak ill of my own Mother.. My sister and I spoke on the phone today.. She and I were treated similar by my Mother, she stopped speaking to both of us… My poor sister had even more to put up with having developed Cancer aged 36.Even though I informed my Mother of her illness, she ignored us, and never attempted to go see my sister… Thankfully after major surgery and Chemo.. she beat it.. She had her 4 young children to live for..
      My Aunt was always there for us both, she never called my Mother, but could never understand her attitude as to how she had cut us off.. When speaking with my sister today, we both wept some more, as we admitted our Aunt showed us love my mother was never able to fully do… She was always there always willing to listen…. I admit my emotions are still up and down.. but I feel much stronger for digging them all out..
      Thank you Amy.. you are a source of great strength and I send you sincere LOVE back.. Hugs to you ❤ Sue

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      • LadyPinkRose
        Feb 13, 2015 @ 21:51:56

        Oh, Sue, my dearest friend, give this time. Really please. Your Aunt left behind a treasure cove of Gifts for you, but first, you will have to get past the roiling emotions as you grieve deeply. My friend’s passing was my initiation into my Full Awakening, which took time. It’s a process. Allow your Heart to guide you no matter the lows, the highs, and everything in between. My Heart newly torn open, feels your pain, and is sending you Much Love and Peace. Understanding will come, I promise you. Growth will come, I promise you. Just for now, allow the Process to take you. You are safe with your Heart. It will never let you down. (((HUGS))) Amy

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        • Sue Dreamwalker
          Feb 13, 2015 @ 22:33:55

          I know Amy.. I am going with my heart.. And take time out each day to be gentle with myself… As another wonderful blogging friend reminded us to do today… at From the Desk of MarDrag who is also going through her own obstacle course at the moment.. xxx Much love and MANY thanks dear Amy.. as you yourself overcome your own loss.. xxx

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  11. Karin
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 20:07:37

    Thanks for sharing this. Yes, I can relate to that the shells need to crack. It is painful but necessary. I can also relate to the necessity of inner guidance .
    What a synchronicity that we both posted about the difficulties of the journay today.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 13, 2015 @ 20:15:45

      I am always amazed at how many are often posting similar thoughts, but synchronicity is what is holding us all together.. For our energies undergo similar experiences together.. As one is not separate but part of the whole.. 🙂

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  12. Mark Lanesbury
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 20:51:17

    Well done sue, that is a big journey. And as you have said, it is time to go through ourselves, come back within and tread the path that is our truth. That understanding can only be made when we face those things that we deliberately ignore because of the pain. Very hard but so rewarding in the end.
    May there be peace after uncovering more of the love of self within. Mark

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  13. litebeing
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 22:23:17

    Dearest Sue,
    After rereading your story and the comments of others I sense your story is the planet;s story, one and the same. I am sorry for the tremendous pain and grief and how lack of love impacted you. I see another similarity since I recently posted about eggs, lol!

    I see so many parallels between us, which connects me closer to you. I feel led to re-blog as I have a strong hunch this post ought to be shared and shared and shared. I will await your reply because you may not agree with my “hunch.”

    I do knew what your honesty and consistent ability to pour out your heart here has created an immeasurable ripple of light and awakening.

    I am here for you and want you to contact me if you would like to “talk”. You are so loved and such a beacon of light and integrity.

    Sending you love and light,
    Linda

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  14. litebeing
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 22:40:40

    Reblogged this on litebeing chronicles and commented:
    I was so moved by my dear friend Sue’s personal and transformative story. Please feel free to share so more can understand the beauty and fragility of our unity consciousness.

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  15. zendictive
    Feb 13, 2015 @ 22:55:10

    I’m cracked (~_~) HAPPY HEART DAY … Sue

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  16. Trini Lind
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 01:41:44

    You are so brave and strong Sue! Letting your shell crack must haven taken so much courage! I admire you! It is sad your mother missed out on such a beautiful daughter like you, but I think she knows that now, and it hurts her. I pray she will with God’s help have forgiven herself and let the empty spaces be filled with Love.

    I was just thinking, even if this has been terrible for you, it has taught you lots of things you can teach others, and that is such a beautiful gift after all. 🙂 ❤

    You are such an amazing role model for younger girls and women Sue (like me!! 🙂 ) and I thank you for being your beautiful self!
    Most of what we go through in life, even the bad stuff, ends up beautifying us if we let it. and that is a lovely thought ❤

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  17. prenin
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 06:15:45

    Happy Valentines Day Sue! 🙂

    Yes, the world is growing into a better place, but it is a slow process and like any birth, there is also pain.

    We also suffer pain in our lives as we grow and learn, but sooner or later it will be over and we will have a new future to explore.

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

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  18. becca givens
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 06:36:02

    ❤ ❤ ❤

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  19. Maxima
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 07:24:51

    Happy Valentine’s Day !With love Maxima J

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  20. New Bloggy Cat
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 08:14:01

    I guess we were all brought up to think that a mother’s love is unconditional and it’s so sad when the truth is otherwise. My relationship with my mom has its fair share of distress. Let us help each other on this journey of learning and understanding humanity. Hugz to you ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 14, 2015 @ 13:50:37

      Sorry to hear you have had a similar experience my friend.. Life never gives us a problem unless their is a lesson we needed to learn from it.. And in hindsight many of my own obstacles in life have helped me be stronger to help others along my journey…
      I agree.. we need to keep helping each other along our life’s path.. And in turn we help humanity, for we are all upon our roads of discovery .. xxx Hugs back x

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  21. Rajagopal
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 10:35:37

    Good to see you back duly restored or, if not, at least in the process of becoming so. after your difficult phase of late. This is truly the season of love and restoration Sue, and my valentine greetings are coming your way..regards…Raj

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 14, 2015 @ 16:27:52

      Many thanks Raj.. I am delighted to be back within the folds of WP again.. and many thanks again for your kind and supportive comments.. Wishing you and your wife a Wonderful Valentines Day
      Blessings Sue

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  22. Michael
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 13:23:23

    This was a beautiful share, Sue. I often find it amazing how this life nudges us forward through continuous change, never quite letting the dust settle completely before inviting us to shed another skin. The world does seem to echo our own paths, but how could it not? The world some days seems as pliable as our own perceptions, and of late I’ve reflected on the way the world brigthens when we’re bright, and dims when we’re low. There’s an interesting feedback loop there. This relatedness, that flowing response back-and-forth makes it hard to assess what truly is in any of it. It seems sometimes there are as many “worlds” as there are beings. We’ve all been given such a tremendous gift, to be plopped in the world that knows us and loves us best… 🙂 For seeing beyond that world, to what is unchanging and brilliant, and to break a piece of that majesty off and bring it into our world where it can shine away the cobwebs, we need to go within, as you have said…

    Much Love
    Michael

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 14, 2015 @ 16:33:00

      Yes Michael, I agree, life nudges us into the places we need to be.. often taking us out of our comfort zones and exposing us to new emotions…
      Each experience teaching us what we need to know.. What is good for our Spirit.. Our World is but a mirror, a reflection really of what we each are sending out… And you are right.. When we give out that brightness its reflected right back.. No truer saying of what goes around comes around..
      Here’s to dusting away unwanted cobwebs from our thoughts.. As we learn to go within and polish up our thinking…

      Many thanks Michael.. so good to see you here again..
      Blessings your way
      Sue xox

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  23. beautifulchaos2
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 16:59:33

    Hi my dear friend, I believe it takes a very strong person to share their deepest feelings and difficult life events with others. Thank you for your honesty and truth, Where oftentimes adversity in life makes people bitter and angry, you are beautiful and strong. I didn’t know you lost your aunt, and your mom, i’m so very sorry Sue!
    All the best to you, and hope you have a happy Valentines Day. Hugs and love, Nikki

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 15, 2015 @ 16:23:33

      I had a lovely Day Nikki.. suprised at 9am by a visit from my Son and Granddaughter.. A wonderful start to any day.. 🙂 .. Thank you Nikki… there is enough angry and bitter people in the world.. That was partly my Mum’s problem all her life, She was a very embittered soul, and found it very hard to give of herself.. I am sure we both needed each other to help learn our various Earth lessons…. I guess I am still learning to negotiate through mine.. 🙂 Lovely to see you Nikki… xxx Love Sue ❤

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  24. Wendell A. Brown
    Feb 14, 2015 @ 21:27:52

    I thought about you because I wanted to wish you A Happy Valentines Day, and it seems i might be led to give you more my dear sister! I am feeling you, as it is never an easy thing to overcome…It has happened to me many times and just last month my son was shot three times and is alive and doing better, but he is in a wheelchair. His attitude is awesome and he is positive in his approach to possibly walking again. He is finally getting some feeling below his chest and into his legs! With all that said many have told me God does not give us more than we can bear and his perfect healing is always near to put the parts back together again helping our spirits blossom and heal in a great way. Here is a poem for you…hugs and blessings to you and know that you are loved by all of us, yes all of your sisters and brothers…our prayers will be a healing balm for you and things will get better get better for you my sister!

    Special

    Something Special

    Sometimes a something special
    Does enter into our daily lives
    It comes not of our own choosing
    But it never passes quickly by

    It brings along its healing life essence
    Something so real and very alive
    Having the power to bring a certain joy
    Where in our world bleakness tries to lie

    It brings new life with a sustained vibrancy
    Which can make a spirit stand and fly
    But the most valuable gift it dares to bring
    Is a true happiness that brings a soul alive

    We know from where this treasure comes
    That will bless us with an amazing love inside
    For God has brought His Spirits beautiful love
    To fill and heal the empty parts now in our lives.

    Wendell A. Brown

    Spiritual hugs and blessings to you and your family!

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 15, 2015 @ 16:13:27

      My Dear dear Wendell, first let me send you and your Son my Healing thoughts. How awful a thing to happen. I cannot even begin to imagine how your family must have felt going through such a trauma..Please accept my love that is sent to your Son and your family Wendell, I sincerely add my prayers that you Son continues in his positive approach to his healing as he gradually regains his feelings to his lower body, and that his mental attitude can help him once again regain his mobility to walk.. I so pray he recovers well.

      Wendell, I so so thank you my sweet dear friend for this very wonderful poem.. I am truly blessed with such wonderful friends I have made here, and your poem has touched my heart deeply.. And has brought its own healing energy to uplift my spirits..

      Yes God never gives us anything we can not carry or need as we move along our Earth journey.. Each obstacle we climb leads us ever higher to his domain. You are one of God’s messengers my friend.. And I know his love shines brightly upon you, as you share his unconditional love with others.
      You have indeed brought “along its healing life essence
      Something so real and very alive
      Having the power to bring a certain joy
      Where in our world bleakness tries to lie

      Thank you with Love and Blessings back.. Sue ❤

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  25. Laurie's Gentle Healing Notes
    Feb 15, 2015 @ 19:12:39

    I like what you said about getting a little lost. I am thankful for my own journey.. though it was a hard one… I do think it could have been a little more gentle if I had realized the sacredness of the journey a little bit sooner. Thank you for your sharing and heart-felt words and visits.
    Very much love,
    Laurie

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  26. Betty Krause
    Feb 15, 2015 @ 20:37:00

    I enjoy stories & sharing the journey. Thank you for this. It resonates. The most difficult times are the best cultivation of our soul growth, in my opinion. I think we choose, somehow, while @ the round table-ha, our families to be born into for this~soul work. Surrounding you with love, comfort, peace, awakenings & balance.

    Lovepeacegratitude,

    Betty

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 22:30:19

      Betty, I thank you most kindly for adding your thoughts here to my post.. Yes I knew I chose my family and I also know that I had a purpose to try to complete within that family unit… There may still be some more ‘Soul Work’ to complete.. but I am well on my way to releasing some of the guilt I carried for so long.. Many thanks Betty for your kind response and trouble you took to comment..Blessings Sue

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      • Betty Krause
        Feb 20, 2015 @ 02:23:39

        Aw, your reply is so warm & heartfelt! The pain is what resonates with this family stuff. I had an ah ha moment last summer, almost a bolt of energy, something entered or I finally listened, but it was simply that I do not need to use those old filters or be at that particular age to deal with current circumstances. I am from the Divine Source & can embrace this knowledge to deal with people, places, things that in the past had brought hurt. Then, of course, I was given the opportunity to practice-ha! What a gift! I am with this now & remind myself in my dailies, always with gratitude & from the heart. Surrounding you with love! Nurture yourself & be around those that raise your heart vibrations!

        Lovepeacegratitude,
        Betty

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        • Sue Dreamwalker
          Feb 20, 2015 @ 15:19:16

          Dear Betty.. How lovely you responded again.. So nice of you to contribute here, And yes I agree whole heartedly with your words.. We are from the Divine Source, and I should know better.. That is partly what has thrown me into my own emotional washing machine.. As I really did think I had dealt with my past family stuff.. Apparently not! 🙂 But I also know others who are experiencing similar emotions as the planets are turning and churning us around to cleanse out that which we have been holding onto..
          Many thanks for your kindness Betty.. Love and Blessings .. Sue

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  27. Tom Merriman
    Feb 15, 2015 @ 21:03:24

    Hi Sue, the process of change never seems to run smoothly, does it? One minute we think we’re going with the flow, and in the next instant we feel as though we’re being dragged along. We can’t help at times but get caught up in external events, but finding that place of inner peace and calm will help.

    My thoughts are with you.

    I hope you’ve had a good weekend.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 22:24:26

      Tom good to see you, I have I know neglected many recently at WP. And I know you too have gone through your ups and down times.. Yes its been a bit like going through a spin cycle on the washing machine.. but I think I am now hanging on the line blowing gently in the breeze.. the next stage I am sure all those wrinkles will get ironed out 🙂 .. Thank you Sir Tom.. I hope all is well in your mansion, forgive me I have not been through its gates in a while.. but you are not forgotten
      Sue

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  28. Jacqueline King
    Feb 16, 2015 @ 11:02:25

    There are so many reflections for me in your story, Sue. I too have been cracked open by an accident, unleashing past pain to be healed and finally released. But you’re right, it can be confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Thank you for the identification and encouragement! 🙂

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 22:08:13

      Lovely to see your Jacqueline, and yes the road to discovery of oneself is often a painful process but one if we understand why we have to travel it is very worth while travelling upon.. Many thanks for taking time to leave me your kind words.. xxx Love Sue

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  29. Val Boyko
    Feb 16, 2015 @ 20:04:49

    Its a courageous path to look inwards and accept our wounds from the past.
    May you have the love and support to guide you there and heal you Sue.
    Take heart!
    Sending you light and lightness on this journey.
    xo

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 22:02:00

      Val I am so very thankful you popped in from reading over at Paul’s Post, and I am well on my way to being filled with such love from so many kindnesses shown here upon this post.. Your light and added love are so appreciated.. Thank you Val. ❤

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  30. Aquileana
    Feb 17, 2015 @ 01:51:18

    Such a heartfelt and touching post, dear Sue ⭐
    You are right when you say: “Sometimes we have to go within to the silent places we all have in order to find out what is really going on with our emotional bodies”… Also it is true that life is a cycle so when something disappears or someone dies, it is because something or someone needs to show up… There are many subtle and hidden causes in every random fact… And I truly think that everything happens for a reason… Your words are very poignant dear friend. thanks for sharing and all my best wishes to you, always, Aquileana ❤

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 17, 2015 @ 21:58:10

      Dearest Aquileana.. I thank you, you know you are a very wise young woman.. 🙂 And I so appreciate your visits and all the comments you leave me, each one holds your stars and hearts which meant such a lot to me.. Thank you x ❤

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    • Maria F.
      Feb 20, 2015 @ 20:07:14

      This is a really interesting theme. From a Naturalist point of view, yes, I could say that “truly everything happens for a reason”; nevertheless; precisely because we are humans; we cannot afford to think that way. Only Nature has the right to do so. Not humans. As humans we must face the consequences of our own acts, our karma shows it. Even the Buddhists will tell you that. We are responsible for every act we make; only Nature can have the “luxury” of being impetuous. To live “at the mercy of what the future brings” seems like a fantasy.

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      • Sue Dreamwalker
        Feb 20, 2015 @ 22:34:16

        Dear Maria, lovely to see you and a new gavatar too … And yes I agree, we are all of us bound by the laws of the Universe.. and so many do not realise what we think we create.. Therefore we are all of us responsible for our thoughts and actions which have a ripple effect which go outwards into the world..
        Be it from a word, a gesture or physical act.. Karma is energy.. What we create returns to the source.. if we are the creators we also have to expect to have come back that which we too create..
        ” What goes around comes around”..

        Karma is I have found coming back more quickly these days as time within our world of perception is speeding up every faster..
        Nature is forever evolving as are we, but Nature Has all the time to just BE and follows its own natural rhythms or cycles in life..
        We often inhibit our own flow, as we resist and stop the flow of our energy in so many ways…
        Once we do learn to let ourselves ‘Flow’ within these natural cycles, we then find the path of least resistance.. And things start to fit into place..

        The problem is we have distanced ourselves from Nature, and our own inner instincts we no longer use or trust… Which then sets us on a more bumpy road of learning ..
        All roads lead us home.. Some routes are smoother than others.. Its just a case of learning to follow your own inner compass.. and be guided with that inner ‘Knowing’ … when we do that, our lives are then in more alignment with what we set ourselves to learn upon our Earth Journey..
        Each lesson may be needed, and some are repeated until we learn them.. But our Lives are all entwined within the threads of others and how our emotional bodies respond and have been affected within our learning process.. Sometimes right as far back as early infancy..

        The world events too are all an outward pouring of the inner turmoil’s we are experiencing.. As we each affect the other, both inner and outer.
        And sorry to have gone on a little here..

        Loved your comment .. Thank you xox

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        • Maria F.
          Feb 20, 2015 @ 23:01:43

          I don’t know about the “inner compass” feature though. It seems more of the “ego” to me. A compass usually guides someone in the right direction, an “ego’ does not always do that. That’s why there’s strong asceticism is some eastern religions, not that I’m in favor of that, but it just goes to show that an “inner compass” is something humans either don’t have, or require to become spiritually ‘enlightened’ to possess it. And that takes years to acquire.

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          • Maria F.
            Feb 21, 2015 @ 13:21:50

            I think you refer to the inner compass as the inner voice of intuition and instinct for self-protection and self-preservation. And I do believe we should listen to that voice, even when it may actually lead us to more bumpy roads, because in the end, as you very well say, is what we need to learn. Thanks so much Sue, for this little philosophical moment, and if anyone has that “inner compass”, it’s has to be you, wise woman.

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            • Sue Dreamwalker
              Feb 21, 2015 @ 14:45:25

              Yes you have it Maria… Which is what I referred to as our inner compass as our Inner guidance.. Our Intuition our ‘Knowing’.. Many thanks, especially about being wise.. I am still learning Maria, as are we all… And feel far from wise today.. 🙂 Love and Hugs your way xx

              Liked by 1 person

  31. Enigma
    Feb 17, 2015 @ 04:09:59

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  32. lorriebowden
    Feb 17, 2015 @ 12:45:40

    I am so sorry for your “growing pains,” dear Sue. I know exactly what you speak of. That feeling that comes and we don’t quite understand why…all appears to be flowing smoothly in our lives…no real reason for the funk…and sadness. I think this is perhaps the hardest part of growth. It doesn’t feel like there should be anything wrong and yet the body is telling us that we better look into this! It is hard work…but it is rewarding work. My heart is with you on this journey…as I too feel the stirrings of something that needs tending…a weed in the garden so to speak. Much love to you my friend…I keep you in a place surrounded by joy ❤

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  33. bluebutterfliesandme
    Feb 17, 2015 @ 22:50:18

    Oh my dear sweet Sue ❤ {{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}} Better out than in as Shrek says, even though he means gas, same with sorrow, pain and suffering. Have you done any spiritual kind of ancestral healing work? With your Mom, any past life research? None of my business and I only want to be whole and happy.

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  34. Christy Birmingham
    Feb 18, 2015 @ 18:33:42

    Sue, Thank you for sharing your personal journey with us, so that it will help others who are grieving and may not even realize it… I found one of the most difficult things over recent years was dealing with rejection from a family member. Sending you big hugs as I hope they warm you xo Love Christy

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 20, 2015 @ 16:43:37

      Yes we cope with many things, and often we can think ourselves healed, ( as I did ) yet something comes along and opens up the cracks again.. I thank the Universe for allowing me this time to reflect and to once again look within at those dark patches to clear them once and for all..
      And I so admire your own journey Christy.. You are a shining light as to how we can change our lives around.. Much love your way xxx Hugs Sue ❤

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  35. beverley
    Feb 19, 2015 @ 09:58:03

    Both my mother and i have been greatly blessed in recent years by being given the time and space to mend the riffs of the past. Many words of regret were spoken and when she became sick just before Christmas as she regained her strength but was still in hospital we had another chance to speak about the past and now and what we want for the future. I know that in the world to come you and your mother, who will be so wiser then, will be able to mend the broken path between you so do not give up hope.
    You also retired recently and although it was your decision to do so, you have given up a part of you and need to grieve for the part that has gone. I know you will take the time to allow things to open up for you and i hope that you will find some peace soon.
    Depression is my constant companion and although it sometimes walks by my side there are other times when it lurks in the dark, just waiting. Right now it is with me every moment of every day, and i am trying to accept it’s presence and yet make is recede back into the dark. I have found ignoring it does not help it disappear, but makes it more fierce and angry at being ignored.
    May angels protect you and walk with you until you are strong enough to walk on your own again, which will come, have hope that the sun will shine again soon. Sending you hugs and love xxxx

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 20, 2015 @ 16:28:33

      Dear Beverley, I am so very pleased Life gave you and your Mother a chance to mend and heal the past.. And I am certain I visit my Mother often in dream state.. I do dream of her often, but always she still does not speak, but I feel her love.. So that satisfy’s me.. I so know of your own struggles fighting depression Beverley. and I am so pleased you are now seeking more help… You have come such a long ways and I know you are making great strides ever deeper into your battle with FMS.. And your daily meditations and own connections with Spirit are helping you walk along a straighter path.. ( even though I know you have some bends and obstacles to overcome ).. Through them you were shown you will come out far stronger and in a better position.. I feel that so strongly..

      The Sun is shining and you always bring your brightness with you.. Love and Hugs returned my friend.. Sue xox

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      • beverley
        Feb 21, 2015 @ 21:03:39

        Dear Sue, I went away and thought about your reply. I am sure you know your mother wants something, to let you know something , you should her the next time she appears what it is, she may tell you.
        I am trying to fight the FMS battle but it is very much up and down all the time for me. I went out with a whole group of people of people from church last night and had a wonderful meal, a chat and some laughter but then half the night i was in rolling pain and when it finally settled down at 2am i didn’t sleep too well and then the cat woke me to go out at 6.30 and then i fell asleep this afternoon and it just knocks everything out of synch. So will i sleep tonight or not???
        It was good to see the sun and i am in awe of the moon right now too, when i can see it, it is such an amazing shape.
        Have a peaceful weekend Sue xxx

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        • Sue Dreamwalker
          Feb 22, 2015 @ 13:34:39

          So sorry to hear you are going through another painful phase Beverley.. I know how not sleeping for pain feels, and although you are exhausted you still toss and turn.
          The Sun is what many of us are lacking right now..
          This morning even though it was bitter cold we went for an early morning walk.. You feel far better for some Sun and fresh air.. Now its raining heavily.. but thankful its not snow..
          I was pleased you managed to go out with some friends the other day.. It breaks up the day and takes our minds elsewhere when in pain..

          Sending you warm Hugs .. and a peaceful Sunday Beverley xxx ❤

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  36. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words
    Feb 19, 2015 @ 16:24:57

    my heart thoughts are with you My Dear Friend, even if my mind thoughts are muddled more than usual…..
    words are fleeting in this ever changing time, and as my shell cracks more and more these days I wonder what will fall away that I can’t get back

    I empathize with your loss of your aunt, and I know the fall well as it has been a year for falls, maybe the Universe is tired of waiting for us to take time for ourselves so She gave us a nudge?..
    (I will answer email soon 🙂 )

    I have been coming here to read, wanting to say more, but you of all people know where I am these days, so forgive my lack of words to share here…
    Take Care Sue, You Matter Much My Kindred Sister
    )0(
    BlessedBe
    maryrose

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    • LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words
      Feb 19, 2015 @ 16:29:10

      I was wandering away and thought I heard a whisper
      once someone told me love is fragile and the heart is strong
      love is strong, stronger than the shell around one’s heart, the heart needs
      to crack the shell to be as a butterfly, to work against the adversities to create
      strong wings to fly instead of having to stay earthbound….
      your thoughts here remind me of the butterfly ready to fly 🙂
      )0(

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Sue Dreamwalker
        Feb 19, 2015 @ 16:43:12

        Dear Maryrose… Oh to sprout Wings! and Fly dear sister.. I would fly over the ocean to hold your heart.. as you would hold mine.. I am so tired right now.. Fatigue sweeps in like waves… I will be back tomorrow to answer your other beautiful comment in full.. I just posted how my mind is hollow.. And you know my mind so well..
        ❤ sending you Love .. and more love your way.. xxx I so know why the words do not wish to come.. xxxx ❤

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  37. The Emu
    Feb 20, 2015 @ 05:42:52

    A very insightful writing Sue, I can see why you have been on a downward curve for a while, ironic that in your words, I can see the same effects and emotions playing out with my own daughter. to alienate oneself from family for that extended time, has to have many effects, inner hurt or anger the most prominent one, plus the fact that alienation has on all the immediate family.
    Unfortunately healing the rift is not easy, when the hand of reconciliation and support is rejected.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 20, 2015 @ 14:51:33

      Yes reaching out I did many times Ian, and for a time I would make sure my children still visiting their grandmother even after she stopped speaking to me.. I would drive to drop them off and be kept waiting at her door as it was shut in my face while my children came out to me.. They were both in their teens when this happened.. I always encouraged them to see their grandma, but they made up their own minds one Christmas time after all my mother did when they visited was to call me.. They both said it would be the last time they visited.. Sadly it was..
      We are strange beings.. My Mother was a very stubborn woman who divorced my Father.. She wanted me to take sides.. I refused.. And her bitterness ate away at her for many years…
      And I had thought it all dealt with some years ago.. Strange how our minds still hold on, and all that sadness returned with the death of my Aunt who had been like a second Mother to me through the years..
      I am sorry your own family has undergone something similar Ian… We only wound ourselves I know.. but rejection is a hard one… when stubbornness persists ..
      Many thanks for your thoughts Ian.. I appreciate them .. Sue

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  38. Fiestaestrella
    Feb 21, 2015 @ 22:34:30

    Dear Sue,

    I did not know this about your mother. I am so, so sorry about her and your Aunt. There are pains that feel so ancient within us – and I am glad that you have come around again to another point of being lifted ever higher up in love.

    These words of yours, in particular, resonated with me. To me they hold a treasure trove of truth:

    “Only you can know the how’s and why’s of your life. The answers that you seek can be found when you start answering your own questions,Sometimes we have to get a little lost in order to fine oneself again..But the journey in finding oneself is all part of our Earth Journey.”

    I, too, believe that, Sue! I plan on finding and losing myself again and again. Right now I am in a unique place. I really don’t have a lot of words coming to me easily – perhaps all my energies are wrapped up in school…and….the deeper end of the journey is my continual facing of fears. Blessings to you on your journey! Your writing is a beautiful offering of your experience. It is precious. I hope to find my own pen again. I do know, very well, the grieving and mourning of a loved one who is alive yet unavailable… Love always, xxKa

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 22, 2015 @ 14:58:36

      Dearest Ka..
      So many it seems travel upon this journey of self discovery as they navigate their paths through turbulent times.. I am witnessing it as events unfurl around our globe as it seems in order for one to grow… We have to have a better understanding of suffering.. And Compassion is unleashing its own vibration as the tears shed cleanse hearts that need washing..

      I am in no doubts your own Pen will soon be once again busy as you share your insights and wisdom with us all again ..

      I am remembering what a guide once told me via my own trance session.. For I was worried my progress had stopped as my links with spirit I thought in my own mind were not as strong..

      He came to tell me, its only in the periods of what we may perceive as nothing is happening that it is within these lulled times of inactivity that the greatest progress is coming on in leaps and bounds.. And that its only then we sit and take stock of how far we have really travelled..

      As I look back upon my own journey Ka.. I can see how those periods of inactivity and silence, helped build better bridges I would later cross..

      Love and Blessings to you Ka..
      Sue ❤

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  39. lavendermoongirlblog
    Feb 24, 2015 @ 21:50:33

    I am so sorry Sue, to hear of your fall and the loss of your aunt. So many friends of mine have lost loved ones and are having a tough time. I am going to send you lots of hugs and healing and hope the light returns soon to the beautiful being that you are.Lolxxx

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 24, 2015 @ 21:53:20

      Dear LG.. The light is returning, along with some inner learning as I revisit a few emotional barriers which I built up in the past.. The hard part is that they all came crashing down at once.. which left me feeling sorry for myself.. LOL.. but I am much stronger in my self thank you my friend.. Love and Hugs and thank you for your most kind thoughts LG.. xx

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  40. megdekorne
    Feb 25, 2015 @ 14:03:33

    Dear , deer Sue ….you share such a compassionate courage and you touch my heart with your truth …thank you is simply not enough …I love you xxx meg

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  41. DG MARYOGA
    Feb 26, 2015 @ 00:40:53

    Hard on me to comment on such a sad experience in your life my lovely friend Sue.I had read a book years ago,titled “My Mother Myself” written by Nancy Friday,and there I found a lot about this delicate relation and interaction between Mothers and Daughters.Nevertheless,I cannot work out in my poor mind how a mother can reject her own “Splachno”,her offspring who is part of her own body and soul.The only excuse I can find,is her own problems,her past traumatic experiences she had with her parents.I cannot imagine she had a normal relationship with her mother or father.I don’t think she was happy with her own personal life and that unfortunatly had a strong repercussion on you and your sister.Amazed by your own strength,by your soul’s power to crack your inner shells and bring it all out to surface.It was the only way to be relieved and to stand firmly on your own feet.If you don’t help yourself personally,nobody can really help you,I’m afraid.Sadly,there are people who never found the strenght to overcome any kind of rejection and live with these dark emotions through out their lives …
    I lost my mum in 2006 and my life since then,is not the same any more;she has taken part of my soul and my life with her … She was a very sweet mum,who never stopped praising my sister and me all the time …
    Do you believe in the proverb ” Every cloud has a silver lining.” ? Look at you now and your personality;would you be the same person? Presumably,you are mature and kindhearted and for sure a loving mum,a tender person who knows how to make her children happy.Bad experiences have so much to teach us … Thank you for opening your heart,for showing us the grandeur of your soul and the power of your inner self … Your post,a lecture on deep and well-covered emotions that stamp us and manoeuvre our lifes …
    Sending you true love and appreciation 🙂 Have a brilliant day ❤ ❤ ❤ xxx

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 27, 2015 @ 19:34:47

      Thank you Doda,
      Yes I am very aware I would not be who I am today but for that experience.. I know that way back in the crux of my heartache in the 90’s when I had my nervous breakdown.. Had I not had that breakdown, I could not have related to many people I was to later work with in my role as support worker..
      Understanding mental health, and others who would come to me for healing when depressed..

      I am sorry to learn you lost your Mum, Her passing must have left a huge gap in both you and your sister’s heart.. I think this was partly what affected me so greatly… For my Aunt had become close.. She too could never understand my Mother’s behaviour.. I wish I could have put her actions down to her own upbringing of a bad Mother Daughter relationship.. But My Grandmother was a very loving Grandmother and Mother to my Mum.. Putting herself out to visit us, and taking us Grandchildren on for weeks at a time in the school holidays as she lived some 50 miles away. She would visit catching 3 different bus routes which would take half a day to come and see us all… just to spend a few hours to go and catch the buses back again..

      What this experience had given me is a chance to revisit the painful memories and view them again.. and come to terms better with her rejection, ..My Mother found it very difficult to ‘Give’ of herself.. And always expected all her children to ring her, or visit.. When she came to visit me.. She often would come on a Sunny day.. ( she lived in a flat after she divorced my Dad ) so had no garden.. She would just turn up and sit in the garden, and tell me she had only come to get some sun and use my garden.. Very hurtful.. But then re-visiting it all again has taught me.. She was a very sad lonely woman…
      And we both chose our pathways…. and no doubt Some day I will know why our paths went the way they did.. ❤ xxx ❤

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  42. Emma Sarah Tennant
    Feb 28, 2015 @ 13:22:15

    So often when we lose someone we remember all those we’ve lost before, and it opens our feelings rawly. It can, as you have described, do us so much good to have an honest look at what’s inside to help us to heal. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 28, 2015 @ 22:16:38

      And also thank you Emma for contributing your thoughts.. Only by digging deeper into ourselves and our feelings can we hope to heal what we often unintentionally carry around with us..
      Many carry bitterness, anger, and jealousies, which impede there own progress.. Often something within one’s past sits dormant until a trigger happens to awaken it.. And that can be from a ‘Past Life’ also..
      One thing I know my own lessons have taught me is to step back a little from myself.. and look at my own actions.. Often we can be too critical of ourselves or others.. But just like others do not always see what makes us tick.. We do not always see why they act as they do.. And it could be All they too need is to feel love..
      Sometimes all we need to do is love ourselves that bit more too, and learn to nurture our inner child and allow the serious part of ourselves to dissolve a little as we learn to enjoy life and be more playful.. 🙂
      Enjoy your Sunday Emma.. ( Love that name by the way.. It was my Grands name on my Father’s side.. ) xxx

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  43. Maria Wind Talker
    Mar 03, 2015 @ 21:00:32

    Love this, thank you for sharing. I love how you write. Am with you as the words unfold. Blessings to you Sue. Xx

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  44. Karuna
    Mar 06, 2015 @ 14:22:23

    There is so much wisdom in your piece. And I relate to some of your history as well. My father disowned me in 1971 when he didn’t approve of someone I was dating and going to marry and didn’t speak to me again. He died in 1999. I tried to make contact several times but received a letter from my mother saying he would divorce her if I didn’t stop.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Mar 06, 2015 @ 14:55:56

      Yes it’s sad when a parent becomes like this Karuna, and their stubbornness then turns into bitterness, All my life I was the one who had to reach out to her, and she could not ‘Give’ of herself… Someone in the comments suggested it maybe due to her own upbringing.. But that wasn’t the case.. My Grandparents were both giving and caring and put themselves out to visit over distances and to have us stay at their home in the Summer Holidays.. They were some of my most happiest memories.. And I would love going with my Granddad to his allotment plot garden..

      My Mum divorced my Dad, and she wanted us all to stop going to see my Dad I was already married age 23 when they divorced.. I refused..They say we can choose our friends but not our families, how true is that..

      I am sorry too that you went through this ordeal… Some are so narrow in their views of the world… Sending Love, and thank you Karuna for stopping by to comment.. I greatly appreciate it. Sue

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Karuna
        Mar 06, 2015 @ 15:00:19

        Having that experience is also one of the things that got me doing my personal therapy, which then led to great healing, a new life and ultimately a new profession. So all was and is for the good!

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        • Sue Dreamwalker
          Mar 06, 2015 @ 15:03:01

          Yes my mother’s reactions plus over work and stress Lots of things that came to a head all at once was what caused my nervous breakdown in the 90’s .. It also led me along the healing path 🙂 both of myself, and to help others 🙂 we are seldom given a problem least their is a reason to learn from it 😀

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