Finding Myself ~ I AM~

Have you ever looked in the mirror deep into your eyes and wondered just who you are? Knowing that you’re someone different from the face that stares back at you.

Do you feel within your being as you look deep into those eyes that you are not just your name?

Do you doubt who looks back at you?

Have you ever felt so alone, and yet at the same time so connected to everything, you at times think you are going crazy.

Have you ever walked down the street of your home town feeling yourself invisible as you observe all others in your path?

Did you ever dip your energy into theirs and feel their lives as you pass their space, as you watch young families connect and you smile in their joy. Did you catch half a conversation of those two old ladies as they stand there gossiping about their ailments and all their relatives problems too, and you think more woe is me…

Have you ever watched how teenagers and young folk sit in their own nervous energy as their knees tremble with foot constantly tapping the floor, as they sit texting on their phones?

Have you ever stopped to view the world as people hustle and bustle rushing here and there?

Did you ever feel like the world was spinning so fast as you were stood in the middle as it sent you dizzy as around and around you spin?

And did you ever feel your energy drain as the old gent with a bad cough accidently touched your shoulder as he passed you by, and yet you knew it was no accident, as he needed some healing.

And have you ever looked into a passing baby eyes to see their hidden smile to know instantly you were connected on their own wave length as recognition passed between your souls.

And have you ever driven the same route every day past a field with a tethered horse to feel their pain? As you see his head hung low..

Have you ever cried so hard you felt so empty and yet overwhelming full of love at the same time

And did you ever greet a new day full of thankfulness that you made it through to the morning?

Have you ever looked up at the night sky knowing you came from the stars?

Did you ever hear a thousand voices talk simultaneously and not hear one word spoken and yet you felt you understood everyone?

Did you ever look at that photo of yourself ages 5 and wonder where that child went, that face, hair, desires everything, ever cell has changed, and yet you still feel YOU!

Do you ever just wonder what happened to you within the Story of your life?

We are so often so busy looking for something else- we forget the ‘ever present’ consciousness in our lives, we forget who we are as we lost ourselves within a sea of emotions and the material ways.

We forgot we are whole and perfect, as we are so intent on finding something ‘Outside’ of ourselves to make us feel whole and complete.

We give ourselves labels-, I am successful, I am in business, I am lucky, I am never lucky, I am thin, I am fat, I am good, I am bad, I am Christian, I am Buddhists, I am an Atheist, I am Spiritual, I am Enlightened!

We are not the name upon our labels.

We are not the story of our problems and downfalls or successes. We are not the story of our Religion or Spiritual insights. We are not the Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers, Wives, Husbands or the labels on our Career Badges.

We may all of us look different, and appear different and individual, But we are ALL ONE. Each rain drop that falls from the sky is an individual sphere which falls to the ground separate, and yet they all merge back to the ocean.

We too are an expression, a drop of water, and we too all merge back within the sea of Consciousness.

It isn’t until we are seeking out answers to life questions as we try to make sense of our life’s stories that we begin to see that Happiness is a state of being and not dependent upon our life’s story.

These past few days I have been quiet and thoughtful, as I have gone through my own pain within the story of my life.

And today as I sat within the sun contemplating who I am, I understand perhaps for the very first time that it is ok to feel pain and hurt, just as it is ok to feel Love and joy..

Because we agreed to be all of it.

We are not separate- we are the experience of the Positive and Negative, we are both Light and Darkness, Good and bad, Pain and Joy..

And once we begin to see we are Beings of Light, we then see we can surpass our human emotions, for nothing can destroy us.. Not the real Us…

I have sat curled within my own pain of past hurts, holding them to me like a comfort blanket, wounding myself and others over and over again, as I buried them deep, only to have them resurface. Clinging onto a Mothers rejection- for many years past- and other hurts which ran so deep, seeking out the love of others, their appraisals and approvals as a substitute for the one true love I have always denied myself

I have reached out, given and shared myself, splitting me into  many aspects of myself and yet not really seeing who I was.

Today I looked in the mirror and greeted an old friend

no longer the stranger, but the perfect BEing.

Today I accepted myself for I AM ME!

And I AM Calm,

and I AM Peace I AM LOVE..

And I AM ALL OF YOU..

I AM ONE..

I AM