Vision Quest 8 Conclusion.~ Facing Fears

Background to the story so far. Muna was brought up from the age of two and half by her Full blooded Native American Indian Grandmother.  Aponi had taught Muna lots of the Ancient ways of living from the land along with many traditional ceremonies.

Muna had reoccurring nightmares all of her life, Now in her late teens she was following her Grandmother’s advice and had embarked upon a Vision Quest to see it she could find the reason for the Shadows that haunted her Dream time.

The full part of this Vision Quest can be read in separate parts HERE.

This is the final part of the Vision Quest Chapter in which Muna finds out more about her past. This will be longer in length than the previous parts.

 Facing Fears

Once again the old fear came back as the garden no longer felt welcoming. She shuddered again, as a blanket of thick mists enveloped her. Muna knew she had to find out what lay beyond the door. What was the shadow that haunted her dreams? Muna turned to the North Door to help her overcome the fears she held so deep within.

“ Help me Grandfather Sky, clear the mists before my eyes, show me the way Grandmother Earth, help me overcome all that is hidden, that makes me afraid.” Muna’s voice was calm but she couldn’t help but feel fearful for what the North door had hidden behind it.

As if in answer to her plea the mists parted before her and the door in the North Wall loomed into  her vision. Her eyes took in the old wooden door, she saw the many grains etched upon its surface along with the knots, and she saw the old nails which held the rusty hinges in place. She thought of the long forgotten tree which was cut down to create such a door as she stroked the wood feeling the knots. At the same time she felt the knot twist within the pit of her stomach as that old emotion of dread surfaced.

Source: Google Images

But Muna  shook  off this feeling  as she concentrated upon the knocker positioned in the centre of this old arched shaped doorway, and she was not surprised that the handle was formed from two twisted engravings of snakes entwined together.  For some reason Muna remembered something her Grandmother had told her about Quetzalcoatl  And the symbolism of snakes primal energy. She knew now was the time to shed another skin as she let go of that which restricted her as she allowed the life force to heal and guide her through the changes. Knowing the door would open up more questions, but  would also lead her to new discoveries of her inner being. 

Looking down now at the water in which she thought she had to wade through, the mists had lifted revealing stepping-stones opening a path towards the door.. Muna smiled knowing all things were possible if only one believed. She took a deep breath as she made her first step as she stepped across the stones walking towards the door.

As she looked where she put her feet, she saw the weed thick within the murky water, and was aware of something slithering its way across the water keeping pace with her as she saw the ripples just beneath the surface. She heard the occasional splash as if something either surfaced or dived, and her heart began to pound. Again her thoughts raced as her Grandmothers words once again came to mind.

“ Face Your Fear” she heard the echo of Aponi’s words as she got closer to the door.. ” You only fear what you do not know Muna. Fear is just a stranger whom you so not yet know. Once you become the observer you will see there is nothing to Fear but Fear itself.” Muna had long puzzled at this remark of her Grandmother’s.

So she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She asked to become the ‘observer’. When she opened them she was there, she now saw the age of this old door, as the wood had splinted and dried. She reached out her hand and took hold of the door knocker and instinctively knocked twice. As if by magic the door swung open, as it did so more mists seemed to bellow out in front of her. Stepping through the mist, crossing the threshold of the doorway Muna waited hoping the mists would  recede, she saw a scene she half recognised, but wasn’t fully aware from where.

Before her a scene unravelled, she was in a small room with sparse furnishings with a wooden table in the centre, in the corner was a familiar rocking chair with a colourful crocheted shawl hung over its back, somewhere in the background Muna heard a child crying.

Muna’s attention was then taken to a young woman, cowering in the corner of the room who was crying. The woman had long raven black hair that was strewn across her face wet with tears. As the mists cleared further Muna saw there was also blood on the young woman’s face. A man’s voice shouted in rage

Muna found herself floating above the scene as the woman was pursued by a man. The man was screaming obscenities at her, yelling and screaming, he seemed to be possessed by the devil himself as his eyes bulged and his face was distorted in rage.  Sobbing the woman got up to run outside, she got half way across the yard as the man yelled as he ran after her, the woman turned running backwards at the same time before she stumbled and fell. She hit her head hard upon the ground, Her sobs instantly stopped as her body now motionless and lifeless lay upon the ground..

The man stopped in his tracks, as if waking up from a dream he looked down at his hands. Had he really hit his beautiful wife..   He looked up to the skies and now it was his turn to scream, as he let out such a wail of anguish as he yelled out the to the sky.. Words she knew he was speaking, and yet she couldn’t hear any of them. She only saw the woman lifeless on the floor, the child who cries she had heard now emerged from the doorway, she was only a young toddler but she ran to the fallen woman, tripping over as she fell beside the woman, crying “Mama, mama”

It was then that Muna understood, the toddler was herself, it was she crying ‘Mama’, and the fallen woman was her Mother. She looked now feeling the tears spill onto her cheeks, as she saw the man, her father.

Muna was seeing him now for the very first time.The toddler had fear in her eyes as the dark shadow of her father loomed over them both as he bent over the two of them he started to cry. Lifting his wife into his arms, asking for her forgiveness, as he didn’t mean it, he hadn’t meant it, as once again his temper and rage had flared taken over by the drink which consumed his soul. 

He was distraught and ran back into the cabin. Muna saw the toddler sitting at the side of her Mother pulling at her sleeve for her to wake up.  It was then a large Bang now echoed out into the air, not only sending a shudder through Muna, but she saw the toddler visibly jump, afraid of the noise, frightened and confused now no longer feeling her mother’s warmth, she watched as the toddler climbed onto her mother, hugging her as her blood still oozed out onto the ground from the back of her head. She saw the smoke now curl up around the edges of the cabin as it swept across the yard like a thick mist. The toddler lay curled in a ball sobbing on her Mother’s breast ………………..

Muna came too from her Vision, curled in the centre of the medicine wheel in a tight ball, the sky was now dusk as the Sun began to set the air had taken on a chill.. She sat up within her circle of stones feeling the tears upon her own cheeks.. She looked at the setting Sun her thoughts in a muddle for a second until she recalled she was on the mountain within her Vision Quest. Thanking Grandfather Sky and all her ancestors that had helped her to see her vision, Muna sat and thought upon all she had been shown.

It had  explained much more than Aponi had ever told her about the passing of her Mother and Father. Why had her Grandmother never told her the truth of how her parents had passed. All she had been told that her father was white and had struggled all his life with drink. As soon as Muna had been old enough to ask about her Mother she was always told it was in a tragic fire from which she had been rescued. When Muna had enquired how such a fire had started and wanted to learn more. Aponi had always dismissed her inquisitive questioning by saying..

“ When you are older Child, the Great Spirit will reveal All to you when the time is ripe, then your journeying will begin.”   Yet Muna had also heard the rumours from the village folk and had heard the whispers of turned heads looking her way of Murder and a fire, yet she had never dared ask if this was true fearing the worse of why she was orphaned .. But now she knew her Father had not murdered her Mother, but his rage had contributed to her tragic death.

Muna reached out for the precious locket and unwrapped it from the hand kerchief. She opened it and touched the lock of raven black hair. The locket had been her mother’s the only thing she had.

Muna then took the candle which had toppled over and gone out, she secured it upright by digging it into the earth, and relit it, sending a prayer to her Mother, and one for her Father asking that they both now rest in peace as she hoped now that her mind would be eased as at last she was able to recall those blurred visions of a toddler. 

So many Fears stem from the memories engraved within the growing pains of a child.. She saw now the reason she disliked loud noises and the shadows which always seemed so menacing. She also knew the truth of her deep-seated Fear.

She began to understand Aponi’s words of becoming the observer. Muna saw how her perception through being traumatized when her father’s shadow had blocked out the Sun when he had bent down over her Mother had created the fear, coupled with the loud bang.. She realised her father had killed himself then set their home on fire such was his anguish. 

She saw too how everyone must have thought her father had murdered her mother and presumed the truth. How easy it is she thought to judge, yet not be in full possession facts. She would obeserve more often in future rather than jump to conclusions she thought. 

She took another sip of her water, and was just going to stand up and make a fire, when she heard a voice.. She looked left and right of her, as she was uncertain as to where the voice had come from, it startled her to realise the voice was inside her head, But so clear did it speak..

“This is just the beginning of your Journey, Little One, You now have faced the fear of the past, now you have to face the fear of the future..”

Muna didn’t understand, but she soon would………………….

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This is the last of the series Vision Quest for a while    … I hope you enjoyed this lengthier last episode..

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