Amazing how time spins ever faster, and it doesn’t seem all that long ago I was participating in Barbara’s Awakening Challenge in 2014 in which she put our experiences into a Free e-book Book “ A Selection of True Awakening Experiences”.. It was during this challenge I met so many more Wonderful Light-workers here on WordPress, many who have since remained very good friends..
Barbara has once again set us a February Challenge~Inspiring others by our Awakening Experiences as she asked us to update in Part Two of our experiences of where we are today within our awakening experiences …So our stories continue..
My own Soul Journey has taken me through many experiences, each one a stepping stone over some turbulent waters and rocky shores, but each step has led me to peel back yet more layers I had cloaked myself in. Hiding deep within slowly through each painful layer I discovered a new strength, a new skill, and a deeper perspective of who I really am..
Recently spending time in quiet reflection in that calm place of solitude caused me to go back in time. I revisited moments from my childhood, seeing the past in a new light, which made me see how I had brought my own childlike judgements through into my adult years. Something we all do as we grow up as we absorb our surroundings within our various cultures.
Each learning from our environment and elders. We then perceive the world in which we were brought up within, which often can be clouded as other people’s opinions bare down on how we conform within their sets of rules and preferences. We then carry the scars within our young emotional selves believing maybe we were unworthy or useless. So much emotional baggage is carried which starts out within our childhood years.
Waking up is not like someone flipping a switch, for me it has taken years to wake up to myself. And still I am in the process of peeling back yet more layers of the Me I carry around.
We have many skins, and often our True selves are hidden behind those ‘masks’ we have built up to protect us from hurts and wounds that stem right back to our roots into our childhood years. So often as parents we do not see how deep those off the cuff remarks travel, as we brush aside our children’s questions, or fail to spend a moment listening to what they are trying to tell us.. I have been guilty of this often I know during my own busy Working Mum years to my own children.
As a child I had low self esteem, no confidence, I was shy, often tongue tied and through my teenage years suffered often with depression. During that quiet time a few weeks ago my eyes opened up even further to the Me I had become, and why I took on so many wounds that I needn’t have throughout my life.
I saw why I abhor arguments, yet arguments had plagued and followed me throughout my life, be they misunderstandings, or other peoples that I have had to step in to act as a mediator in my role as a manager within the workplace, or supporting those with violent tendencies as a support worker. Those self same heartbeats of panic and trepidation would echo within my chest as they took me back to the Fear I once felt as a 5 yr as my heart pounded within my ears as I remembered how I banged on a closed door crying for my Mum and Dad to stop arguing and fighting one another.
I became the mediator even then, used to relay messages from one to the other parent, and supposed to take sides… But I couldn’t pick a side for I loved both my parents equally. When I didn’t choose the right side when Divorce was the final outcome, some years after I had married. My mother made it clear even in my adult years she wanted me to still choose a side, and could not stop her bitterness bleeding into my life.
The mediator in me offered to mend the rift with my Mother, but when you are dealing with stubbornness there are only so many doors you can take that get slammed in one’s face. So you give up.. For you wake up to the fact the only person you are hurting is yourself. And we often over look the most important person of all that are in need of healing.. Ourselves!
I needed to Look, really LOOK within and find that little girl who got so, so lost and tell her I Loved her so very much.. I needed to go and find my Inner Child and tell her Life is not meant to be so serious and teach her how to Play again.
I went to find her and sort her out in all of those things which brought me joy.. Be it to sit and be creative within the crafts that I so enjoy doing. Or just sitting within the silence in a Sunny Morning as the Sun filtered through the window as I look at the birds feeding.. I found her by just closing my eyes in the silence as I listen to her heart-beats. And within the silence the Universe was speaking back.. all I had to do was listen.
Waking up to me has shown me that I need to be gentle with myself. As I learn that ALL that has passed within my life, came to help show me who I really am..
I think sometimes we are given our scars, for without their wounds we would not then dig deeper to heal them, and see how our words and thoughts have wounded others.. We see that there are two sides of every coin and that within our world of duality we have to have both Joy and Pain.. The Good and Bad, Happiness and Sadness.
I have long learnt to forgive others; this new layer that I peeled away taught me how I needed to forgive myself.
I looked deeper within the Child of ME, and released the sadness she had carried for so long.
So those quiet days sat with my projects in hand my mind did a lot of stripping back, going back to basics, and discovering all over again why you did the things you did in life as you sort out the one basic need all of us are here to discover.
To Love ourselves..
And to let go of ALL of that which you think is important. You Let go of the past, the hurt, grief, guilt and open your heart to what you have within your grasp right NOW..
And LOVE your Inner Child. There is nothing like the sound of a child’s laughter..
I have always smiled widely, but once you WAKE up to yourself, you see how easily it is to Laugh! And enjoy all the Joy.
For it is up to each of us to find and create it in our lives..
And I am once again finding the Music within my soul.
Love and Blessings to you all upon your own Awakening Journey.
Tomorrow Challenge is to be found at Linda’s over at http://litebeing.com