My Soul Journey~4

I never intended this journey of mine to read like some sort of Biography. And While I need to explain how I opened my own self-awareness and how I found myself upon my path, I’m still a very private person.

The Journey of discovery first starts with oneself.

Wolf Reflections Within

And to find oneself, sometimes you have to lose yourself if only for a little while in order to find yourself again. I did that too…. Many years later experiencing A nervous breakdown… through stress, over work, juggling career, family, guilt, inadequacies, rejection from my Mother, a whole range of emotions.. 

I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.. the feelings of isolation, sorrow remorse, guilt, panic attacks,  all rolled into one big ball, making me  a twitching blubbering emotional wreck as my limbs literally would shake taking on a life of their own as I tussled with myself over the years of working  through guilt while my children were small…Feeling I wasn’t a good Mother as my own Mother who now had been one of the triggers rejected me which resulted in her not speaking for 10 years despite many efforts to begin with to heal the rift.

I came to understand I was only hurting myself even more by trying to mend that bridge which had grown  ever wider, only to find another door of rejection slammed in my face each time I tried, which would bring on more hurts and more wounds which needed inner healing. The last time I tried she ran in the opposite direction and 5 months later she had died, the rift never having been mended. Which again led to more healing work.

It was during that time of my nervous breakdown that my real journey of self began.. when I asked the question..

WHO am I?

It matters not what caused my breakdown, but it was how I recovered that is important..

The journey of Self discovery led me to understand that we are more than our Bodies, that in fact our Minds create many of our problems through our emotional body. which affects our Physical Bodies causing our Dis-ease with life, resulting in our illnesses.. 

It was then I was introduced to a book by Louise Hay  You Can Heal Your Life, I took to saying affirmations  which were put upon my mirror and fridge everywhere where I could remind myself I was a worthy being who needed to love myself.

Healing one’s self is never easy.. and as I explored the Inner Me, I understood that throughout my early childhood I had never really felt loved  and in fact I didn’t really love me..

As I explored my re-occurring illnesses that had dogged me all my life..  the Depression from my early teens, the severe Migraine attacks that would leave me bed bound in a darkened room, the constant Cystitis infections that eventually needed an operation to put right .. All these illnesses had been telling me something.. Even later on as various aches and pains took their toll from Raynaud’s Disease  which at one point was so severe even the temperature change from one room to the next would trigger a painful reaction in my fingers.

My Career path had led me from sewing machinist working on piece work rates, on a production line and for those never working in a factory,’piece-work’ meant you only took home what you made, so the faster you worked the more you took home in pay.. I worked hard, and worked my way up to become sample machinist working with designers in the manufacturing Industry to become head of Training over a period of 18 years. The climb wasn’t easy..  

I would not only be in charge of first production samples overseeing first production lines but also be responsible for quality, recruitment,  the Training School, Time and Motion Study/Method Technology improving Methods and Quality.  I could sit and sew and show others every Machine operation going in the manufacture of garments within the industry we were in. I would often stand with stop watch, but I earned the factory girls respect as I  would never ask anyone to do what I couldn’t prove I could do myself and would happily sit and show them and time myself just to prove it was possible… And yes I could keep that pace up for most of the day helping to get production moving if an urgent order was required to be out on time.

  I also assessed NVQs through Qualifications for Industry. as well as Mentoring in Schools  helping put on Schools Fashion shows …Life was busy busy..

So when every thing went Upside down my life did ‘break-down’, it hit doubly hard as I had always felt in charge and in control.. and to be left feeling this blubbering wreck was something alien..

But it taught me  I was More than my symptoms ..I started to see I could heal..And that the only one that could heal me was ME..

In the beginning I needed medical help, but I soon realised that Pills were not the answer.. And I swapped the Pills to Homeopathy, I didn’t just snap out of it.. I had lots of help from Family and friends, But even they couldn’t lift me up.. I was the one who needed to dig deep to the core of my illnesses, and that’s why Louise Hay’s Book helped me so much to see just what I had done and was doing to myself through the way I was thinking.

An important part of Waking up is that we wake up to ourselves.. and that we learn to stop blaming ourselves, To find ourselves we need to find our inner selves and understand you are neither Good nor Bad, you are simply you…

© Sue Dreamwalker – 2012 All rights reserved.

 

 

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63 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lserf13
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 20:13:58

    I am so happy you shared this with your readers because within your words lies the inspiration and courage for someone else to find their own healing. I believe you and I have had similar childhoods/stories to some degree and are finding ourselves on the mend. May you feel the courage to continue to share your journey and the comfort as you continue to heal. Love and light to you…

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 28, 2012 @ 20:20:01

      Thank you.. Yes our childhoods colour our paths to a huge degree, and I have made Giant Leaps and strides forward… May we all continue to learn to be gentle with ourselves as we Heal from Within…
      Our World is needing the very same healing as we have become Victims of the society we live in right now.. I hope that we can all begin to see our way forward within our own Inner Journeys.. For at the end of the day we are ALL of us One.. and while we keep on hurting, we only hurt each other..
      Love and Blessings
      Sue

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  2. Visionkeeper
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 20:38:23

    My courageous friend….Great piece and not easy I am sure to reveal ones weaker moments. We all have them, no one is immune. That book is a fabulous book. I’ve read it many times. The video of it she did was great too. Well done. She has helped so many people with her wisdom. Going within to find oneself is not easy but something we must do to truly know ourselves. Glad you made it out the other end of the tunnel and we have you in our family 🙂 Blessings and love DW for a job well done and for the wonderful person you truly are. Don’t ever doubt that!!!! Be well and be at peace within. Hope your holidays were loving and bright…. VK

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:04:14

      No VK I am far from courageous,but Im still working on the ‘wonderful person bit’ even now I have many issues that still need plenty of work.. But Im a work in progress Lol, like most of us, we are all of us learning the various lessons needed as we grow in Spirit!..

      Yes that Book I am sure has helped millions who have read it.. I often use it as a reference Book today as I look up symptoms and think hummm yes! I see exactly why Im experiencing that ailment etc.. Changing our Mind sets isnt always easy, even I have problems detaching from the emotions of it all as we let our hurts and wounds get the better of us…

      Thank you I had a wonderful Christmas break, and had family around which was especially nice… I hope you have a wonderful New Year.. Abd bright blessings back my good friend .. and I am so pleased to be part of our Spiritual awakened family 🙂

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  3. Eddie Two Hawks
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 21:05:44

    You clearly exhibited the will and determination to change and began towards that goal. These are the first steps for a new beginning. Starting is difficult but remaining resolute requires great effort! You are quite a lady dear Dreamwalker and have come a great distance. Congradulations and many blessings to you my friend. love, Eddie

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:08:07

      Yes, Eddie, I think many who wake up to themselves often find that they reach a low point in their lives before climbing higher to reach that higher understanding of themselves and Life.. I reached that point several times in my life.. but each time I learnt a valuable lesson upon my journey which was obviously needed so that I am where I now am meant to be… Such is Life for each of us would that we could see it.. Blessings Dreamwalker

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  4. Kenny2dogs
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 22:23:58

    Hi Sue, if I were to write something so revealing about my childhood and how I became who I am today. You would be shocked !!! As I lay in my bed here in my daughters house, I am so happy that my beloved daughter was given the best upbringing possible. Lisa is a complex lady, just like her father.
    Be well Sue, and have a wonderful weekend.
    Kenny xx

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:13:58

      Thank you Kenny for your words, I think we all try to give that which we were often missing as a child.. I have no doubts that you could make my hair curl with your tales of your childhood Kenny… I am so happy that you got to spend time with your Daughter, I am certain she too is very proud of her Dad and how you have come through your own struggles in Life Kenny, which have been far from easy…I Wish you a Bright Healthy New Year Kenny, you too be well… Sue xox

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  5. Gabrielle
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 22:47:24

    Thank you for sharing what must have been a difficult journey Sue. Well done sister! 🙂 I know how much courage it takes to expose your problems and weaknesses. I did the same in my book and found it enormously freeing and empowering once everyone knew what I’d been through. A massive weight fell off my shoulders, for now I could just be me, because there was nothing left to hide.
    My journey also started with the same question – Who am I – and led me onto my spiritual path. My healing began when I realised that the person I had been was gone, and that I should see myself, not as an empty vessel, as I had done, but as a blank page. A page that I could write my own story on – a story that I intended to be infinitely better than the one that went before. It was my first re-birth. My search for Self naturally became a Search for Soul, which enriched my life so much that I’ve never looked back. 🙂
    Much Love and a BIG (((hug))) xox

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:19:08

      Awww Gabrielle thank you for sharing that with us… You have just given me the thought to carry with me into the New Year… to see myself as a Blank Page, as I close the last pages for this year… Many thanks Gabrielle… and you bring so much into this world with your own experiences with Spirit my life too has been enriched in knowing you.. Thank you. And Bright Blessings for your own journey in 2013 .. Love Sue xoxox

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  6. Deb
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 02:46:40

    Your come a long way since your break-down, Sue. I’m glad you found yourself. I know that the process was long, and not easy much of the time. But this whole ordeal gave you a chance to get to know yourself…your real self.
    Healing is a process, so I’m and sending you positive energy and thoughts your way.
    Happy New Year, my friend!
    Love and hugs ♥ xxx

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:20:59

      Deb, thank you my friend, Im still getting to grips with the real me… LOL.. but every day I learn a little more.. Wishing you a Great 2013 and Good Health and Happiness wished your way.. Hugs back Sue xox

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  7. prenin
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 03:39:19

    A strong story Sue! 🙂

    You, like me, have had many battles to fight that should not have been fought in the first place and rose above them! 🙂

    Your life, like mine, is a tale of rising above our childhood problems and becoming a new person after shedding our suffering.

    I wish you only the best my friend and I congratulate you for doing so well!!! 🙂

    Happy New Year my love! 🙂

    Love and hugs always!

    Prenin.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:23:38

      My dear Prenin, I know you have had more than your fair share of problems when growing up as a child, something no child should have to go through. But you have emerged a truly thoughtful caring person Prenin my friend and Thank you from the bottom of my heart for always bringing you squishy Hugs … Love and Blessings back .. ~Sue

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  8. Valentine Logar
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 12:42:09

    Sue I think I understand why it is hard to share the core of what led you to your journey, the breach of your privacy is difficult. I am glad though you are willing to share your story, it makes it easier to walk with you, easier to relate to our own lives.

    You are a brave and inspirational woman. Thank you for opening the door to your private world.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:40:32

      Val thank you, I wouldn’t call myself Brave… lol…. in fact I often give myself lots of other names 🙂 But I hope that by sharing a little of my health problems that I had in the past, I can show others that we can rise above them as we Heal our bodies through our Minds… Something which many can not see, for many just want to wallow in their own pits of woe is me… but that only brings more of the same… I have seen this so many times with those I have come across in life. Val Many thanks also for walking the journey along with me… I too was greatly moved and Privileged to walk with you as you told your own Very Moving and Private story… Now that story took Courage to tell Val… Thank you for walking with me along my own tentative steps upon my own trail….Wishing you a wonderful Bright New Year Val to you and yours ~ Sue

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  9. Paul Handover
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:39:58

    Sue, you offer such a light of awareness to the world. Just beautiful. Paul

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 29, 2012 @ 14:43:35

      Paul, Thank you, I am pleased it seems so from the readers prospective.. At times I still question Who am I.. But every day I get to uncover a little more of a Dreamwalker’s Inner Spirit… and that my friend is what I want to share with the world.. For this world is Far More than we can ever Imagine it to be.. And one day I hope many more awaken to its beauty and Light my good friend…. Thank you 🙂

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  10. cat
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 16:27:24

    Thank you for sharing another piece of your life, my friend … always an inspiration … I can relate regarding migraines … was put on a betablocker for an mild “heart thing” … and the migraines disappeared … only the colourful auras and imaginary smells surrounding people remain. Wishing you a Happy New Year, sister in spirit. Love, cat.

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  11. Tom (Aquatom1968)
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 20:14:03

    Sue, you are inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story, heartfelt and fascinating as it is. I need to wake myself further, and I’m going to make sure that I do it – or make a start in the very least. I own a copy of the book, but I haven’t read it for a while, so I’ll have another flick through it!
    Hope you have a Happy New Year, Sue… Tom.

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  12. becca givens
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 05:37:51

    I am reading a book now by Dr Wayne Dyer, “There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” … and although I have heard some of it before — it is finally clicking at the time I read it … “oh yes”!

    The journey for the next upcoming months is one of self-love and self-compassion!!! Thank you for your sharing your journey!!

    May the upcoming year blossom beyond your wildest imagination, Sue
    xoxox b

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 21:24:15

      My book shelves a full of Wayne Dyer’s excellent teachings and I can whole heartedly recommend his philosophy I have gained many insights from his own wonderful words and thoughts..

      Happy New Year Becca
      Love ~Sue

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  13. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 09:38:09

    I haven’t before realised so much of you, Sue. This was valuable to share. I admire you. It really does take effort & strength, does change – oh, and the WILL to change, not be victim. Kudos to you .

    ¸.•*¨*•. ♪♫♫♪Happy New Year Sue .♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸
    ˜”*°•.˜”*°•.˜”*°•.★★.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜” & wishing for you, what you wish this year.♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸

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  14. Doris
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 16:15:11

    Happy New Year!

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  15. starproms
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 17:07:07

    May you always walk on the sunny side of the street from now on Sue 🙂
    Happy New Year to you 🙂

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  16. stevyritter
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 17:21:50

    My dearest Sue, Thru your journey in life, I find certain parallels and tribulations. I find you highly courageous and always fascinating. You were surely there for me when I thought my life was going south. Though separated by the Big Pond, I feel you are but an instance away. Your friendship, guidance, and warmest spirit uplifts me thru life’s travails. God has blessed me with such a wonderful friend. Keep your spirits high and remember your value is great than you know to yourself, family and friends. Much love to you, and may you, and your family, have a very blessed and Happy New Year. xxx

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 21:15:51

      Hi Stevy I hope that life is treating you well my old friend from WL days so good to have you drop by and comment, I hope that you and Your own family are all doing well… Thank you for that compliment Good to hear from you 🙂 and a Happy New Year to you…

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  17. Androgoth
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 17:32:28

    This is truly wonderful my great friend 🙂

    ¸.•*¨*•.Happy New Year 2013 Sue•*¨*•.¸¸

    Andro xxx

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  18. Ruth Nina Welsh
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 19:19:30

    Hi Sue, I was so sad to read of your mother and the terribly difficult relationship you had but so pleased to read of how you have coped with these dreadful things. Warmest wishes to you dear Sue and Happy New Year for 2013. Love, Ruth x

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 21:20:59

      Hi Ruth, many families I am sure go through much worse than I have… But it had a great impact upon my state of mind I know at the time.. It was the straw that broke the camels back as they say…. But I am fine ,, Thank you Ruth.. I know you have your own obstacles to overcome.. and I so admire your own courage my friend… Love to you and Happy New Year Ruth … I hope to pay your site a visit tomorrow when I have a little more time for browsing.

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  19. Renee Espriu
    Dec 31, 2012 @ 03:08:39

    To tell something of yourself is to know that others will only be stronger and more thoughtful in the knowing and to take away something to help them on their own journey. Have a Wonderful New Year!

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  20. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words
    Dec 31, 2012 @ 04:41:55

    to me you broke apart because your soul knew the pieces didn’t fit you
    experiences come in small and big packages of surprise…
    you handle your surprises, with grace and honor turning to share and teach and speak for those who have not found their voice yet
    I am still trying to figure out who I am…
    so many of your pieces would fit the voids I took on long ago…still searching for the pieces that fit , even if they are what the norm thinks as perfect….
    I am so glad I stumbled into your world…it has an amazing strength
    flowing in a calm river of energy…
    Thank you for Being you….just you…that is all that matters….
    Take Care…
    You Matter….
    )0(
    Blessed Be
    ladyblue

    Wishing all the Best of Yet to Come in 2013 and so much More

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Dec 31, 2012 @ 12:52:54

      My Dear Ladyblue, I so welcome your thoughts and you have the knack at also just saying the right words when needed.. My journey is still on going and I learn everyday something New about WHO I am.. and sometimes I like what I see and at other times I do not.. Like most of us here upon this planet we have a duel nature and often we do not like the other side of the coin which sometimes we reveal as we search our Inner Core in our discovering of who we are.. But with each layer that peels back. I know that all of those lessons along my journey are helping me become that which I set out to find.. And One day I hope that I can look in the reflective Mirror of my soul and Truly know Who I was as I say Hello to who I have Become!
      Love and Blessings for your own wonderful light amid the shades of blue…. Hugs ~Sue

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      • LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words
        Apr 21, 2014 @ 22:50:40

        I just realized you wrote this on my birthday 🙂
        and the day after it, I was in so many pieces, I still can’t find where I begin, end or to stop the flow out of life from the middle where there are still so many holes…
        I needed to read this again…
        I will have to find your book that you read…seems fitting for me I think 🙂
        Thank you Sue…your whispers mean more than words with a voice can say….
        Take Care…You Matter…
        )0(
        maryrose

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  21. aussieian2011
    Dec 31, 2012 @ 22:33:23

    A long journey sad journey Sue, I have learnt something out of it as I am now experiencing a feeling of rejection once again, even repeated trys, much like with your mother, only bring on more self hurt.My mind has switched of in that area now and what will be will be, I am not going to get any more physically sick through what I cannot change or undo.
    Wishing you well Dear friend.
    Ian

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Jan 01, 2013 @ 14:22:11

      No we can only go so far Ian… we can reach out but at the end of they day others too have to own responsibility and even now to this day two of my sisters who were blinded by my Mothers own Bitterness against my father and myself still have nothing to do with me… I tried in the very beginning.. But we have to at some point draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough.. and Let it go..
      For the only ones we hurt as we try over and over is ourselves.. and each rejection cut another deep wound that took the scab off the old one that was trying to heal..

      Sometimes also Ian… we may not always realise it.. But we are put in positions that are not only beneficial in our own learning of life’s lessons but in the learning of theirs..
      IF they refuse the opportunity to forgive or move on, then they will more often than not have more of the same come to visit them until they learn from a particular lesson and eventually can move on from it not to have it repeat…

      I hear myself speaking and I know even now I have issues that I still need to love myself more… We have all never done with our learning…

      We cannot change the past of our actions.. but if we do not learn to accept our mistakes and move on from them.. Then we cannot grow from them..
      All things in life are meant to be.. otherwise we wouldnt have experienced them…
      A wise one looks back I am told and is grateful for the pain felt.. for it means we have experienced something we needed in order for us to learn and grow from..
      I cannot say I enjoy pain.. No one does… But at the same time I think I can say I am grateful for those life lessons, if it means I never have to endure the heartache again..
      Many thanks for taking time out Ian .. Much love to both you and Ana… xox Sue

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  22. John Hayden
    Jan 02, 2013 @ 04:54:57

    Sue, the story of your journey is important beyond anything I can say. And your story is a wonderful gift to your readers. Thank you.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Jan 02, 2013 @ 17:12:21

      John thank you…. I pondered long and hard over publishing my journey.. I am so pleased that you feel its so important… I hope to share more shortly… Many Thanks for reading and following.. 🙂 Sue

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  23. anilraheja
    Jul 21, 2013 @ 07:13:12

    sue – you know we love you, right? always 🙂
    anil

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  24. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    Sep 06, 2013 @ 11:38:50

    Hi Sue 🙂

    I had forgotten this one. I’m glad you put me here again. I forgot you’d had a nervous breakdown. You really do help me feel more human – not like I have to be superhuman/unbreakable/without error.

    Sue, I really don’t understand your mother’s rejection. It is harrowing, how you tried. I just don’t understand where she was, in that.

    I love your last line especially – you’ve got to wake up to yourself.

    You’re wonderful, Sue. Thank you how you share your life.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Sep 06, 2013 @ 12:13:36

      No you are Human Noeleen LOL, and its a long long story which is not for public display, But I think we each have to experience in order to understand a particular emotion, Maybe I needed to experience rejection, and maybe my mother was being given a chance to stop her selfishness, and think of others rather than herself.. She had the opportunity, but didnt take it. We are all upon our various paths and with it comes various lessons to be learned…
      Without the Breakdown, I would not be who I am today, so in a sense, Our enemies or those whom we sometimes think cause us harm, in fact could be there to help us grow through facing certain situations in life..
      Like your Boss, I think in time you will Thank her for she has enabled you now to set your intentions in a new direction… And I see Great Things upon your Horizon where by you will be much happier within your working life…
      Love and Hugs to you Noeleen, and thank you for taking time out to read again… Hugs Sue xox

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  25. lorriebowden
    Oct 05, 2014 @ 00:38:59

    Amen!!! Just…Amen!

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  26. D.G.Kaye
    Jan 09, 2015 @ 03:00:23

    All I can say is Wow Sue. We have led parallel lives in so many ways. I studied homeopathy to save my own life for years. My mother ate away at me all my life, we couldn’t connect, she was too self absorbed. I tried to fix things, she wouldn’t meet me. I finally had to walk away almost 5 decades later from the toxicity. I just buried her 2 months ago and haven’t yet resolved my feelings of guilt. I tried to spread light to her and she smothered it with darkness. I fought my guilt when she was dying and went to see a well known medium and past life reader when I went to Arizona last fall. She told me not to carry the guilt, I don’t have to go back, just pray for her soul every day and she will learn her lessons when she reaches the other side. That was told to me 2 months before she died. If it weren’t for my angels, I don’t know how I would have gone through some of the events and illness in my life. I also had open heart surgery in my mid forties, I had a tumor on my heart. I was told by a very spiritual person that I would be fine and pull through that I had to get rid of this tumor that was created by years of self torturous guilt.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Jan 09, 2015 @ 16:27:51

      We are indeed like mirrors of one another in many respects.. My book shelves are also lined with many Doreen Virtue Angel books.. 🙂
      And I wrote many Angel letters regarding my Mum.. to help release those feelings which often drag us down.

      I am not surprised your heart took a pounding due to the emotional baggage we carry holding the hurt within..
      The nervous breakdown was all part and parcel as well as the FMS..

      This is why understanding we Can Heal our lives is so important..

      And yes I pray for my Mother too.. And I hope the bitterness has left her.. Letting go is something we are still learning to cope with, even though We both have dealt with the trauma.. I don’t know about you, but I find still a great tide of sadness sweep over me.. for all those wasted years.. She missed out on such a lot.. But then I have to remind myself also.. It was her choice. as well as her lesson..
      The universe gave her a second chance that day we bumped into each other.. I chose to speak.. she chose to scowl and run in the opposite direction .. a few months later she had died..

      What you have to remember also as you are is that your Mother too had a choice.. And we all of us have to take responsibility for the choices we make in life..

      Many thanks for your wonderful responses.. Love and Blessings
      Sue

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      • D.G.Kaye
        Jan 12, 2015 @ 00:08:21

        Wow Sue. Yes, I still feel guilty for her sadness, even if it is what she brought upon herself, and for the life she should have shared with her children – she missed so muich. Often when I really let myself think about her, the sadness sweeps over me as well. Many people don’t understand how a mother/daughter relationship can get so broken if they haven’t walked in our shoes. Thank you. 🙂

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  27. Karin
    Feb 04, 2015 @ 14:37:31

    Thanks for sharing your journey. What a beautiful story!
    Yes, breakdown of the structure of the former self seems to be an integral part of the spiritual journey. There are not too many personal accounts on this yet. So the beginner on the spiritual path may think it’s all about bliss. Or it’s all about self-improvement.
    Therefore, it is great to find honest personal accounts on the dark night of the soul.

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    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Feb 04, 2015 @ 15:12:23

      Thank you Karin for taking the time to drop by and spend some time reading through some of my own Journey.. I agree, so many think Awakening must be grand.. But often its not just a simple ‘Flash’ of some Higher Guidance to enlighten us.. Although having said that some NDE can have that effect… For me and I know many others its about finding out who we are, and often that comes from those ‘Dark nights of the soul’ as you so rightly point out..
      Again I thank you for the time you took to read through..
      Have a wonderful rest of the week
      Blessings Sue

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  28. thefeatheredsleep
    Aug 01, 2016 @ 16:19:46

    Sue. You have taught me so much. I don’t admire and like you just because of what you teach me, but I want you to know you do (teach) many of us and affect us deeply with your courage, honesty and wisdom. Today’s lesson is this: I have not written very much about ‘myself’ because a friend I had known for many years told me I was a narcissist who wanted attention and adoration. She said this out of the blue, after I published my first book and I opened a stupid FB page to help sell the book. She felt that this was really egocentric. I had struggled to do it, so being told I was a narcissist I weakly closed everything down and ran away. Reading what you wrote, helped me to see that it is not narcissistic to write about yourself and if someone makes you feel bad for writing about yourself or thinking about yourself, the fault lies in them. I have been laboring under this for a long time because I have been told I should never write about myself. Now I find myself wondering two things. 1. Why would someone say that? 2. Why I listened and believed them?
    Your words and life-story are so powerful. I especially liked your final paragraph. BTW I admire you for your skills in sewing so much I mended a toy rabbit of mine last year I was so proud to make her a new dress and new ‘paw’ but she does look a little frankensteinesque! So I so admire those who can do things with their hands like sewing, gardening, basically anything that ‘creates’.
    I’m going to read the other posts associated with this one but I wanted to tell you I had both read this and appreciated your candor – you have given me the courage to believe talking about ourselves to help others among other things, is no more narcissistic than owning our worth and sharing our story.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • Sue Dreamwalker
      Aug 02, 2016 @ 12:41:51

      Like you it took a long while even to reveal the real ME to the world.. I read so many blogs who write about nothing other than themselves.. These people are do so as it is also helping them heal from their past and their wounds which have long been carried with them..
      We are taught many things as we grow from both parents, and piers and the best thing I did was unload to my journals.. For we lock inside of us the hurts and wounds which keep us prisoners to our own emotions..
      Sadly I have found that many are jealous of us.. So throw out their insults and we being sensitive take them on board which wound us deeper still..
      These wounds manifest in our Dis-ease of Mind which then leads us to the Disease of the Body..
      Something Louise Hays books taught me..
      No one can wound us but ourselves.. For it our choice to hold their words and allow them to penetrate..
      It took me a long while.. And yes some words still hurt as the sting of them is felt in unguarded moments..
      Its not until I pull myself together and look again at how pathetic these people are , and how insecure their own lives must be, to derive pleasure in throwing insults in the first place..

      I am so pleased reading this has helped Candice.. 🙂 it means a great deal to me that you have let me know how much..

      Thank you and sending LOVE xx
      ❤ Sue xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • thefeatheredsleep
        Aug 02, 2016 @ 19:24:56

        You have spoken many truths, the jealousy thing especially resonated as did the idea of our being responsible for continuing to be wounded. Unguarded moment and stings, very true, but then you must as you say, look at it for what it really is, and see how insecure they must be. Whom else would attack without cause? Such truths. I’m thinking so much on what I have read and what you have led me toward, and I thank you for your strength and your honesty and your selfhood xxx

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  29. Mark Lanesbury
    Sep 28, 2016 @ 00:25:53

    It is that final understanding, to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are Sue.
    It is a big journey, but that has purpose so that we do really appreciate what we have endured to find that love 🙂
    Great post, and more understanding of another’s journey, thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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